that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
