Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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