yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
