covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
