if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
