chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
