I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.