she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.