At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want to have your abortion
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
