I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.