Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.