I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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