im drinking this country out of the recession.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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