you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
