Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bring me that man meat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
