I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think my moral compass just broke
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