where am i from again
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
