the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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