I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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