You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
