That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
