A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
