the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
