Someone shit on the floor
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
