I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
