Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
