i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
