He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
