I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
