It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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