I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
