AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
