Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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