We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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