I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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