I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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