so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
