Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
