You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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