Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
