i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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