This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
