but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
