you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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