White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
