Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
