I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
