How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
