I met the friendliest cop last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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