I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
