I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
