hotel room ftw
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
