Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
