Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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