My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize