who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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