i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
