i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
