so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im part way to drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
