I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
