physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
