If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
