oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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