The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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