So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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