I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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