i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
