Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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