I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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