You made me cry and you don't even care
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
