no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
