I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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