My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
