God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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