I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
