I can tuck mytits in my pants
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
