Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
