Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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