i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
