he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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