Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
