I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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