ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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